Hey guys, it’s Rand.
I wanted to let you know what I’ve been doing while having an unprecedented hiatus. I know it’s needed to take breaks when it is truly needed but this is something different. You know, where everything you think it’s going to be okay until shit gets into your face. We’re now halfway into 2021, so to speak. Thinking that this period won’t last long yet it didn’t. Plus the pandemic still isn’t over.
Right at the start of the year in January I had few number of posts written about Seiyuu. Even featured a few number of them and had a short collab with Aria. But the project was short-lived. It was a project I do want to keep working on but the circumstances didn’t make it possible. At that time I was about to enroll in Thesis II, my final subject in college. Even got some final requirements to pass too.
There could’ve been a chance where I would make a post but this got in the way. And there’s more that came with it. If I could describe, it was a whirlwind.
One struggle after the other
To give a gist, the paper was already done, even though the group was downsized into a pair from a group of 3. Take note: the output was a 3-minute animation. Key word: animation. Some may think it would be that easy in making one. But if the deadline was only limited to just 3 months you have to sacrifice a lot just to make ends meet.
One member went on their separate ways due to their own reasons. But the output was still in limbo on what it could be.
To make matters harder, the other member (let’s call him “Person A”) has an existing stint, meaning their time is not always on the thesis. Person A usually contacts me at very untimely moments to the point that three days passed but not progress was made. It was a slow descent. Person A did give their contributions at least, but it came with a cost.
It kept going until most of the output was done by me alone. I did get some feedback from Person A’s acquaintances but they too are also busy at their side. It made me question my own decisions at this point. There were also a lot of things that expose where I lack in. Like I’m not fit for making a storyboard. While help did came, it all lost sight of what the output is going to be.
To hit the nail in the head, my father died of COVID by the time when the semester is nearing its end.
I was absent in one session and gave some of the work to Person A for the meantime. Fortunately, my prof was able to give me time to grieve. The thing is, I was never close to my father. We don’t talk too often and the conversation always leads into his needs more than mine, or even the family’s. It’s a one-way street where no banter is made. So I stayed silent because any form of criticism he takes it too personal. So when he did pass away, I never knew what to feel. Did cry, but got nothing out of it. You get what I’m saying?
I had the choice of continuing the thesis at another semester. But knowing my only paired partner and family’s side, there’s no other choice left. So I went on, presented a poorly-made output with a lot of missing details. In the end I got the grade and passed, even gave my regards to Person A. Yet it all felt empty.
After the incident I was able to grab the chance of getting a vaccine provided by my school. Though right now I haven’t gotten it yet but at least I got a slot. The vaccine is needed because the Science behind it helps. While you can also say it’s due to my father’s death, it’s not the entire reason why.
And by all technicalities, I’ve now “graduated”.
Where I am now
I got a job as a part-time writer. Mostly I just write advertisement blog posts about products they assign to me. I find myself lucky that I got one right after college even if things are uncertain. While it’s okay to have one, I’ve been using another outlet to let go of things.
Remember that one time I covered Bara in the blog? I now draw them. Not joking here.
Maybe it’s a sign that things do come when it’s time. And if you do want to see what I’ve made, they’re in my other Twitter and Pixiv. Why I’m doing this? Well, I want to make up for what’s lost and discovering something at the same time.
Also I’ve got the time to play some games once more. Currently I’m spending so much time on Stardew Valley and it’s been a great experience. I actually bought this without knowing what the game actually offers. Best impulse purchase. To get your mind out of a lot of stress helps so much.
My college life wasn’t that notable to begin with. Even when the pandemic came things didn’t change much. When it’s all over everything was reset.
The future of the blog and I
This is the most difficult part for me.
I do not truly know when I can make content like when I want to. While I may accept offers of any upcoming collabs, the same can’t be said for blog content from me. I mean, it’s nice to get another hobby but it always comes with an equivalent exchange. I like where I am now.
This is also the first time I’ve been absent in blogging for an entire anime season and I don’t regret it. You see me more on Twitter than here. I give likes here and there, but not giving an entire post.
So in the end, I may come back. Just not now. And I don’t plan to shut down my blog either.
There might be a rebranding from the ground up but who knows? At least I get to breathe for a moment.